World’s Most Annoying Buyer 2018
Updated: Mar 30
You’re so excited that you found THE HOUSE!
Then you have to negotiate.
You’re so excited you have an accepted offer!
Then you have to do the inspection.
It’s the high and low of home buying and it’s brutal, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Be prepared because the next 30 days of your life is going to be like a war. A war against the lender, a war against the seller and hopefully not but sometimes a war against your spouse. Put your armor on and expect it to be hard because it will be. It’s not always the way I look at life, but in this case and this case only, it’s best to prepare for the worst. Go at it guns out.
The inspection is the first scary thing you’ll do when buying a home and perhaps the most important. You basically are making the biggest financial commitment of your life and you need as many people as possible to tell you it’s a good one. The last thing you want is to buy something that’s not safe or functional.
So, inspect the F out of that thing. I mean top to bottom two-hour inspection situation. What’s that crack? Is this sloping? Run the washer, run the dishwasher, run the water. Flush the toilets. Flush them again. OCD to the fullest here. THIS IS YOUR LIFE we are talking about. I told you full our war style.
Finding an inspector that comes highly recommended is elementary and obvious. If you aren’t doing that much re read above. I use and recommend this stud muffin, Arn Lundquist who is the owner of HERON Inspection ( https://www.heroninspection.com/arn-lundquist/ ).
Anyhow- walk the property with him or her. It kills me when people don’t go to their own inspection. THIS IS YOUR LIFE! Do you want to sleep in asbestos? Do you want mold? Do you want your home to fall down from termites two days after closing? LIFE OR DEATH here full OCD. My husband says I’m either really calm or full out crazy there is no in between. #noshame
Okay I’m assuming you get it by now.
So, you’re walking every inch of the home with the inspector and asking twelve million questions per second. Nothing gets past you. You are competing for World’s Most Annoying Buyer 2018.
Then the inspector emails you his full report with photos pointing out his recommendations. You sit down with your realtor to read through it and fill out your Request for Repairs #1. As a competitor for World’s Most Annoying Buyer, you take note that there are Request for Repairs #2, 3 and 4 and smile. You’ll probably be needing those.
What should you ask for? You might think I’d say everything. I see why you’d think that but no. I don’t like to give the seller trivial things so he gets overwhelmed or can pick the easy things on the list to justify not doing the big items. I like to streamline the expensive and safety items. The really must dos. Replacing an air filter costs $2. I’m not going to give that to him because he’ll take that as one more thing he is doing and perhaps an excuse to mark off something more difficult to repair. For that reason, I give a concise list of things that are structural, fire safety and water related and I tell him these must be done in order to LIVE in the home. Yep, it’s simply UN-LIVE-ABLE without these items repaired.
You may select whether you’d like the seller to have these items fixed or if you’d like a credit in order to have them fixed at your leisure. This is really up to you but money is always harder to get. To avoid Mr. Seller from walking around with a beer and caulking, I specify all items must be completed by a “Trained Professional”. Save your caulking Mr. Fix-it.
Moving SUCKS and honestly, it’s best to have Mr. Seller get these things done so it’s one less thing you have to do between signing your loan docs in blood and handing over the rights to your first-born child. If you’ve done a jumbo loan, you are laughing here. If you’re a cash buyer I hate you. Jk I guess.
So, you are specific and concise and you send the RR#1 and the inspection and you wait. Mr. Seller could be cool or he could be the opposite of cool. Either way, stick to your guns here. You’re already in escrow this home is committed to you. Seller cannot decide not to sell to you at this point but you can choose to walk away so he should be nervous here not you.
Assuming your Realtor is going to war as well, and they fought for an agreed to repair list, don’t forget to have your inspector go BACK and check that these things are done. Get the name and letter from the “Trained Professional” that did the work and CALL HIM. That’s right, you’re in a war. Trust no one. It’s every man for herself. ( see what I did there? )
People will tell you you’re being crazy for 30 consecutive days, maybe 45 if you’re lender really sucks at his job. ( see what I didn’t do there lol ).
Escrow will tell you the list of costs they need you to sign is just an estimate and will probably be less. It won’t. If it was less, they list is as less.
The lender will tell you on week 1 that everything is on track . It’s not, they haven’t even looked at your file yet.
And the seller will probably tell you you’re crazy because every house has termites and there’s some wear and tear on every home this age.
So, accept it now and own it. You are crazy and proud! You’re the World’s Most Annoying Buyer 2018!
Gear up, and go out there and get an awesome home solider! At the end of escrow, you can be nice in a home you don’t feel confident in or you can sit your crazy butt in a house that has been fully inspected and purchase for the very best purchase price with the very lowest closing costs. Hey crazy, don’t you look smart!
Until next time, may all your inspectors be OCD.